I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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