for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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