I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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