I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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