New low: just hacked my moms facebook
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
