Your face is a jimmy john
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
