6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
