My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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