Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
