Kiss
Puke
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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