google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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