omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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