Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
