it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
