Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
