you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
