I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
