Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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