I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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