one two three fourrrrnication!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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