bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
