it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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