My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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