Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
