But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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