she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
