i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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