: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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