I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
