those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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