well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
