I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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