what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
