is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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