Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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