People in love make me want to vomit
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
