i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
