I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
