Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
