Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
