There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
