i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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