I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
