omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
