fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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