in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I have tasted many bathrooms
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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