with your own penis?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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