but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You don't make any sense
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