I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
