You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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