i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
