i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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