I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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