pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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