I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
