I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
