if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
the day after is always just damage control
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
